Friday, April 27, 2012

Even Keel/Takin' Care of Bidness

Phew!  Okay- things are starting to slow down a bit.  I've had time to cross some t's and dot some i's.  You know, the brass tacks- the nuts and bolts of what makes a gargantuan enterprise like Westchesterson Worldwide tick.

I've conference called with my lawyer and accountant both of whom assure me that at the rate I'm going, I should be a millionaire within the next 50-60 years.  Sweet.  Almost there.  We've got the Dr. Westchesterson name and logo trademarked and copyrighted so if some slime bag tries selling knock-off Dr. W tees in the parking lot of Six Flags this summer- I'll be able to sue the shit out of him and probably get his 1987 Oldsmobile and the futon he's been sleeping on in his parents' basement.  The accountant is looking into which of my shell corps I'm going to be funneling the cha-ching through.  I've already got multiple accounts in the Caymans and Switzerland.  All that's left to do is call Juan in Columbia and make sure the packages get re-routed through Juarez first to put another few thousand miles of distance between me and my contacts in Atlanta.

I've called an old friend from my jamband days- Oops!  Did I just let it slip that I used to be in a jamband?  Well- more on that some other time- maybe.  Anyway, my old friend Chris is a merchandise guy.  He's the one responsible for those interstate sign stickers that say "420" on them.  You  know them.  You've seen em' on the back of every street sign, bathroom stall, barroom wall, and skateboard or snowboard from here to Vancouver and back again.  Chris handles a lot of the merchandise for that band from Vermont, Phish.  You know- they play jazz or some shit like that.  So I think I'm in good hands.  We've got Dr. W logo tees in red, light yellow and white as well as white ladies' tank tops printing as we speak.  And the piece of merchandise I'm MOST excited about...the infamous, "Vacationing On Bondi's Island" tee shirt featured in the 413 music video.  Lots of requests for that particular item.

The online store at will be up and running tomorrow (Saturday April 28)- most likely a little later in the day.  Dan is the man there and he handles the merchandise for a number of great bands/musicians and artists like Ryan Montbleau who is a very close friend.  Ryan is a Boston singer/songwriter with a band that rivals some of the best I've ever seen.  He is a true rock star in his own right and has been wonderful on the phone the past 48 hrs entertaining my frantic calls and hair-brained ideas with his trademark calm and cool demeanor.  Did I mention he's from Boston?  And just for the record although his heart bleeds 617 (Boston has embraced him in much the same manner that W. Mass has embraced the Dr.) he's got much love for the 413 as well.

Anyway- Ryan put me in touch w/ Dan who's been helping me get things set up in a hurry.  From what I understand the Village Produce online store is more of a boutique deal.  The artists' merchandise is carefully and lovingly packaged and shipped in a nicely presented manner so that when the fans receive their gear- it's not just like getting a package from UPS that's left on the doorstep in the rain.  From what I gather- it's a pretty cool thing he's got going.  We'll find out.  Let me know.  Keep me posted after you've just emptied your bank account on a limited edition $50 Dr. Westchesterson first edition, old-stock tour poster from his first show ever.  But they're signed and numbered!!!  Totally worth it!!!

So yeah- yesterday was nice.  Still racking up the views.  Another 12,000 in a 24 hour period.  That brings us up to 112,000.  Woke up this morning to 116,000 which tells me there are a lot of people in W. Mass either on drugs or with insomnia.  Either way- I love you.  But for the love of Pete- get some sleep!

Had a couple of beers last night with Chris Conway who produced the "Showbiz/Sexy Party/High School Girls/Asian Stripper/Make It Rain/Bitches On The Reg videos.  He was the one patting me on the head saying, "It's ok Doc.  Don't worry.  People will start watching your videos someday.", when my view counts were in the hundreds.  He's a partner at a cool production company called Killer Minnow in New London, CT.  They're the coolest bunch of sci-fi nerds I've ever met.  Another partner, Rob King, drew the Dr. Westchesterson penis in the Bitches on the Reg video.

I don't really know where I'm going with this blog.  I'm just rambling I guess.  Just so much going on that I don't know what's important to talk about or not talk about any more.

Oh!  Here's something.  I got an email last night from the host committee that's bringing the Massachusetts Democratic Convention to Springfield's Mass Mutual Center on June 2nd.  They want to use the video at the convention where Elizabeth Warren is going to almost 100% surely be elected as our Democratic Senator nominee.  Now- Dr. W is NOT a political guy by nature.  I'll be honest- I'm not well read.  BUT- I do know that Elizabeth was the one who warned the country about the trouble we were headed for with the mortgage crisis.  She told those fucksticks Bernanke, Paulsen and Greenspan all about what was happening.  But the good ol' boys patted her on the head and said, "That's nice Lizzy- go play with your Barbies".  So we ended up in the greatest economic downturn since the depression.  Ok- who knows, maybe even if they listened, the giant vampire squid (to quote Matt Taibbi) would still have found a way to wrap it's giant sucker beak around the nation and suck it dry...

Stop me!  Stop me now!!!

Anyway- they want to know if I can come up with a "clean" version of the song that doesn't include the word, "bitches" or the phrase, "suck my cock-a-doodle-dee-doo".  Normally, I wouldn't even consider such a request but for Elizabeth- maybe.  But I may demand that I get a photo/video op with here where she has to say the phrase, "Dr. Westchesterson sir, I would like to invite you to suck my cock-a-doodle-dee-doo".

OK- I gotta go.  Coffee's getting cold.  I'm making a run to NYC tonight.  Gotta "take care of some business" with a nasty troupe of low-lifes who like to drink whiskey and play country music.  Don't's a long story.


  1. Where can I get Dr. Westchesterton T-Shirts? Or a bumper sticker, that would be dope for rollin' down Route 7.

  2. Hi John.

    Dr. Westchesterson merchandise is available at:

    Thanks for representin'

    Dr. W